Hate Mail, Hopes for Happyness and Here’s Feelin’ Mid-Blue

Hate Mail – undelivered; undeliverable; but oh so full of hate.

Oh Fibro, how I hate you.
You make every day a new adventure, and not of the fun kind.
Forget who you used to be, this is the new you:
Forgetful, spacey, feeling lost;  losing your train of thought and falling silent not realizing you were even in the middle of anything; the list goes on.
Fibro doesn’t care; it can take a sharp mind and render it blunt.
It strips you of the qualities you once took pride in and leaves you a shell of your former self.
You can fight against it and even think you’re succeeding in moments of clarity, when you think you’ve raised above and can finally breathe; but don’t worry, the evil fingers of fog will pull you back under.
There is no escape.
There is no ”getting better’.
There is no permanent fix.
There is only getting through each day to the best of whatever ability you are granted at that moment. It could change in an hour. Heck, it could change in 5 minutes.
Not a fan of change..? Too bad. You have no say any longer.
This is the new reality.
Oh Fibro, how I hate you.

The Hopes Part…

I wrote this as a Facebook status two days ago.  I find it odd that it didn’t even receive one single comment or ‘dislike’.
Well, I don’t really. Find it odd, that is. No. Not really.  I think mostly because I understand how it could come across as whiney, or self-seeking, or something along the lines of  ‘Oh pity me, look at me, feel sad for me.’
Which is so far from the truth.
However, rewind 10 years (do we still say ‘rewind’ ?)  and were I to read this from someone as a status I may think the same thing.

I was having a flare-up day; a sad, sad day. A ‘wish I could crawl into the back of my closet and hide, hide until I feel better able to face the mirror, hide until I can do people’ day. They happen.

Ha. I was going to write more there, as in a frequency quantifier, but there isn’t one. They just happen. Boy, do they happen.

So yeah, I made it through the day though. So there’s that.

The Light, Mid, Dark Part…

If I were to classify how I feel in shades of colour, { I’d prefer to use purple but blue is so much punnier so it will have to do and easier to rhyme with too.  See what I did there? } Today I would say I’m mid-blue heading toward light-blue. Which is good. Today was a good day.

The day I wrote the above was a dark blue day, most definitely.

So there’s that too.

Well, I’m off. But not running, ‘cause stuff jiggles


One thought on “Hate Mail, Hopes for Happyness and Here’s Feelin’ Mid-Blue

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